yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
