Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
