all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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