need another drink. this is the easiest way
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
