I will die if light touches me.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
