Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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