sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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