it hurts more in the daytime
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
If I die, sorry about rent.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize