i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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