pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
