I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize