i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
