Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
