Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Lo siento on account of my penis...
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
