I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
