Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
