Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
