spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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