we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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