I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
