You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
