my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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