I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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