I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
