the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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