I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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