I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
