i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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