Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I think I sprained my soul last night
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize
