I'll bet she douches with gravy.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize