so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You've changed since you got that strap on
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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