someone owes me an orgasm
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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