No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
