She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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