Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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