ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
