she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
she told me i tasted like america
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize