he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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