Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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