woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
