two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
