You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
