toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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