On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
