did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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