Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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