Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Boobs are out for the taking
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
