Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
