I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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