I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
