UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize