SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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