worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
