Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
