I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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