oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
