i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
