Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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