so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
this beer tastes like vomit already
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
