Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
