i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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