Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
someone owes me an orgasm
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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