I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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