chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
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