The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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