I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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