He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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