Cold hands, warm shart.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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