Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
NoShamevember. You game?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
