well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I came so hard my ears popped.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
