I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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