Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
