I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
