Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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