Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
