she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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