dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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