Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
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