I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
