i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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