I am puke
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
