Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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