i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize