just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Randomize
