he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
