new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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