If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
