I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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