HIV tests are more positive than that guy
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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