i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
