And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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