drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
