He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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